She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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