I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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