I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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