dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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