So gin and wine won't be happening again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
