i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
