At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
