1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
