we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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