why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
