my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
