I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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