i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize