am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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