Heybabeimwearingurpanties
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
