he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
