How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
