He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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