my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
