we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
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