god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
