dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize