Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
