does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
