So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
