do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
