Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize