he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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