she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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