It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
