when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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