for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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