She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
