i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
