Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
