so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
