hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
