I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
