how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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