Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
