you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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