I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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