Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
