some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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