Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
