We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
