but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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