So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
