Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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