Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
