i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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