I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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