At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
