Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
