you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
