Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
