Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
