apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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