if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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