I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
