So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize