I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
