hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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