Everything about him screamed your future.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
