Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry my hands just texted you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize